Written by: Jonathan Uthayakumar
You hear that? That’s right. You hear nothing because right now..
Right Now I’m Dead.
Hearts as dark as the night sky
No stars, just an outer world trip down a dark mind
First step defeating the purpose to defeat all evil
Surrendering the heart to the dark abyss between death and the after life
Deception, dishonesty, disobedience, hypocrisy
Words popping out at me, I’m looking at a see through mirror
Or is it my reflection telling me a story?
Maybe it’s not see through, but that’s worse because the mirror is the closest thing to the truth
The only tragedy in this life is free will
Because we forgot where we came from and separated the body
Now there’s no conscience, there’s no guilt factor
So young, too young to go through too many things
So old, so wise, thinking I’ve heard everything
But I don’t want to hear no more
I don’t witness it but I don’t want to dream it no more
Did you think my imagination was innocent? Did you hope my insides were pure?
I was made human, not perfect so as a child I was meant to grow
Not meant to hear the faults and errors of my appearance
Not meant to hear the rumours of the ignorant, the beliefs of the naïve
Why are you looking down on me?
What gives you the right to look down on me
How do you know what you think is right or wrong
Is it wrong if I want to travel the world and gain all the knowledge?
You say no but you don’t hear about my other wants..
..I want to go to war with God
I’m too stubborn, I’m too brainless, I’m too heartless
But is this meant to be? If this is meant to be then God is on my side because I am doing exactly what God put me on this planet to do..I’m going to war with God
I’m questioning everything that’s right and loving about this world.
But at least I acknowledge God. I think about God even in the negative..can we do that?
I love God even in the negative, can we actually do that?
My only competition is myself and God. That’s it. And God wants me to compete, so God competes with me while He is also on my side. Get it?
My body is incapable of putting itself to work
What’s the point of living if I’m not learning
How much of this life is really mine
It just seems like my hourglass is extra narrow compared to yours
Finish off my day and go to bed, only to lie there and think about my death
Will I be accepted? Or judged for the violent mind that’s been designed by the creatures of this world?
Or is that an excuse I’m using to make myself feel better about my violent mind?
My words are valuable to me, but it’s lost its meaning and volubility
Now I’m left groping in the dark, but I’ve come to love the dark
I’ve learned to love the silence
Because at the end of the day, I see the dark, and I hear the silence
That’s what you see and hear when you’re alone
And now I’m tired of complaining,
Because to you that’s what it sounds like
I didn’t know complaining felt this good; this is the first time I’ve done it
I go outside, into the streets
The dark alleyways look more inviting than free money
I go down one, the walls begin to get thinner
I’m spinning and I’m dizzy, I’m getting taller and skinnier
I’m scratching myself all over my body, hating my skin and despising my existence
I finally find a friend down here, he gives me a metal toy in exchange for dead presidents
I go home, get my box of bullets and decide to try out my new toy
I realize what it’s worth and what it can do
I put the barrel to my temple
I feel the cool metal connect to my thoughts
And I pull the trigger..
My heart beat slows down
My body is colder than it’s ever felt
..and Now I’m Alive Again.
Tags: Death, Jonathan Uthayakumar, Life, Poetry/Art, Questions
