Written by: Gayathiri Sivakumar
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When I was a little girl, my mother told me that if I studied well, maintained my fair skin, and was a ‘good’ girl, did not talk to boys, I would land myself a Prince. She said, if I grew up with how she suggested, then everyone would want to marry me. I dutifully followed her command, after all, I wanted to ensure that I married a Prince. I maintained my A-student status, I stayed out of the sun, I was polite, obedient and meek, and I hardly talked to boys (unless it was school-related).Until I was in high school that is. It was then at some point, where I felt like I was not living my own life. It felt like I was living out my mother’s life. I felt entrapped, although I was a young teenager, here I was, pretending to be someone I was really not. This feeling was really brought on when my mother began to parade me around to the community, letting them know what a catch I was. But it was all superficial. I met boys like myself, successful, but unhappy. Puppets really. I felt like how Jeyam Ravi felt in Santhosh Subramanium. I felt I had to please her.
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I resented my mother. I blamed her continuously, I felt like she was the cause of my unhappiness. I felt that I lived a sheltered life, one where I was made into a socially awkward person, despite being born in Canada, was because of her repressive nature. I knew nothing of the popular bands, brands, or anything – I was totally forbidden from particiapting in normal activities as such. I felt like I was reprived of life and happiness because of the sheltered life she raised me in.
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I really did not understand my mother. In the beginning, I thought my mother did this to hear praise from the other Tamil aunties. To some degree, this may have been true. But, I think my mother was motivated by something deeper. I think that coming to this new country, she felt like she had to be the way she was so that we would redeem some culture. She wanted to raise me traditionally so that, when I was old enough, I would know my culture, history, language, and at that point I could decide what I wanted.
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When I started university, and met other students and learned more about Tamil culture, history and language, my mother no longer seemed liked a tyrant anymore. In fact, I began to understand her choices, her decisions, her motivations. And, I thank her for that tight upbringing. The fact that she raised me so strictly enstilled such discipline, that it has made me into the successful person I am today. I would have not been studious, or polite as I am today if it was not for her upbringing. When she told me to dress conservatively, I was upset, but I now realize how much respect my way of dress has earned me. When I see other youth treating elders with indifference and disrespect, I am able to see that my mother has taught me manners and social experience that will help ensure success in my future. Our culture is one that is very sociable, and kind to visitors. I was taught to be kind and respectful of my elders because she taught me these things. This is not to say that others who were no raised this way are not kind, good people. But, I do believe that through her upbringing, she was able to instill much more knowledge about our culture and history than I would have gained otherwise. When I think about my own future, and how I would want to raise my daughter, I think, that I may take after my mom, I may give my daughter tough love, so that she too will be successful.
Tags: Cultural Differences, Culture, History & Culture, Mother, Opinion, Reflection, Speak Out, TAMIL
