“You’re such a cry-baby!”
“Why are you so damn emotional?
“Are you crazy or something?”
“Man up already!”
These are all phrases we hear when we let our emotions go, and expose our feelings to others around us. Some of us are more likely to do so than others, and as a result, are often labelled as “cry-babies” and “emotional wrecks”. But, is letting our feelings go really such a bad thing?
Emotion, as defined by the Merriam Webster Dictionary, is “a conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.” So, emotions, in general, are not negative (though we do often seem to merge emotions and negative feelings into being one and the same). Then, why is it that the minute tears are made visible, we become labelled as being emotional? And…is such an emotional state really so detrimental?
Freud’s work consisted of frequent reminders of how controlling our feelings could really affect our psychological states. I am sure it is also practically clear that this is never efficient. When we control our feelings continuously, we are like pop cans waiting to explode from built-up pressure.
Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, on the other hand, expresses the importance of understanding your emotions and this, I believe, is the solution. Emotions should not be controlled, but rather understood, and not just by the audience, but more importantly by ourselves. According to Goleman, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand your emotions. In doing so, we are able to further realize how our emotions affect people around us. The concept is simple. Understand how you feel, and you will be able to understand how others feel. Your relationships with others become stronger, and you become more effective in everything you do.
Goleman’s notion of emotional intelligence is composed of five elements: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills. An individual with high emotional intelligence is more in line with his/her emotions, being aware of his/her own strengths, weakness, and areas of improvement. As a self-regulator, such an individual is also capable of controlling his/her own emotions and impulses. Usually motivated, an individual with a high degree of emotional intelligence, is more productive and goal-oriented. Being empathetic towards others and strong social skills further allow such an individual to network, communicate well, and manage relationships.
Having said all that, could it be that emotional intelligence is the key to success? Understanding our emotions and managing it, rather than caging them in, because we are constantly being told to control our emotions? Will that keep us on our path, focused and motivated? Well, if that’s the case, then why not give it a shot? However, I am sure we might need lessons on HOW to understand our feelings in order to do so, and I’m afraid my knowledge stops here. If you’ve got any insight into that, please do share! Maybe we might be on to something!
About the Author:
Shayanika Suresh is a Law Graduate currently working on establishing her legal career. She is also a passionate writer and has self-published a collection of short stories, “Lips no longer sealed”. Shayanika’s passion to raise awareness of various social issues that affect individuals and society as a whole is evident in her work, leaving a message for the reader to take home.
Tags: Speak Out
