Written by: Dhabisha Kohilanathan
55 Years Ago:
One bright, sunny day, when Ruth was running across her school playground, she ran past a sleek, lustrous car that caught her eyes. She came to an abrupt halt and slowly turned her shoulders to steal a quick glance at the car of her dreams. It was beautiful, and she suddenly wished that she were old enough to lay her hands on such a vehicle.
53 Years Ago:
As the big hand of the house clock approached nine, Ruth’s parents kindly told her to clean up after herself and to go brush her teeth for bed time. Ruth grudgingly walked up the carpeted stairs, huffing and puffing, wishing that she were old enough to stay up late and watch her favorite Disney movies.
46 Years Ago:
The loud, obnoxious group of teenage boys and girls aggressively brushed past Ruth in the school hallway, forcing her to fall onto the nearby lockers. She brushed her knees as tears welled up her eyes and continued to walk towards the restroom – it was her only place of refuge. Early on, Ruth wanted to show that she was confident and strong, because she was more than what met the eye. However, she walked away, wishing that she were older so as to escape the bullying and injustice she faced.
36 Years Ago:
The alarm clock rang at five-thirty in the morning, sending Ruth into frenzy. She grudgingly slipped into her bathrobe and ran down the flight of stairs to dress her daughter for school. Ignoring the stories her baby daughter had to tell her, Ruth fed the little girl and watched her as the school bus drove off into the distance. Ruth came back into the house and poured herself a cup of coffee. She leaned against the granite kitchen counter, wishing to see the day when her daughter would blossom into a young, responsible woman.
25 Years Ago:
The misty fog outside her office window saddened Ruth even more, as she lay at her desk trying to organize all the paperwork that needed to be submitted to her manager. One, two, three, four…staple…one, two, three, four, five…staple. Ruth’s work was never ending – she was sure she would not make it on time for family dinner. Letting out a heavy, significant sigh, Ruth continued to rummage through the countless papers on her desk, wishing to see the day when she would retire and take time off for herself.
11 Years Ago:
The sun’s rays glimmered through the large window, waking Ruth up from her deep sleep. She squinted her eyes as she tried to make out the red, digital numbers on the nearby alarm clock. It was one-thirty in the afternoon – her daughter was graduating that day. Ruth was so proud of her daughter’s accomplishments, but she couldn’t help but wish to see her daughter begin working and become an influential woman in the business world.
Present:
She lay on a generic, hospital bed. If she moved an inch to the right, her ribs hurt her. If she moved an inch to the left, her left knee ached. She tried to squint her eyes to make out the time on the alarm clock, but she failed. The amount of drugs and medications she took resulted in her having a hazy vision and memory. Moreover, her skin sagged, her bones were tender, and her eyes were irritated.
Ruth took a look around her and noticed her daughter, her son-in-law and her two grandchildren standing nearby. “Good morning, Mom,” said her daughter, as she neared her mother and grabbed her in a tight, yet delicate, hug. Her daughter started conversing with her, but Ruth did not take note.
Here she was, spending her last days in the hospital. It seemed like just days ago when she waved good-bye to her daughter as she was sent off for school. How did time pass by so fast? Why can’t she remember any memorable moments from her life? How did she not have any memories?
Suddenly, a revelation struck Ruth like a thunder bolt – she did not live life to its fullest.
Throughout each day of her life, she ignored the present and wished to experience the ‘future.’ She failed to recognize the simple beauty of the days of her childhood, her youth and her motherhood. She had the capacity to be a strong and determined woman, but she let the negativity get to her every day of her life. The end result was daunting – Ruth had no memories.
Ruth dazed back into the present. Still lying in pain on the bed, she clutched her grandchildren’s hands and gazed into their beautiful eyes.
Just once, Ruth wished, just once … she wished to be young all over again.
