Thoondal: Do we really care about what others think?

Written By: Shayanika Suresh

I often catch myself saying “I don’t care what people think, I’m going to do what I feel like doing!” But lately, I’ve been thinking. When we say that, do we actually mean that? In a world dominated by divisions, of race, class, sex and gender, do we not care what people think when we measure ourselves by these standards that have been prescribed for us by the society that we live in? When we dress in brand-named clothing and carry ourselves with grace and flair, are we not thinking about what people will think of us? When we practice etiquette at the dining table, are we not trying to maintain a certain image? Consciously and unconsciously, we are constantly trying to fit into a particular mold. We are always trying to impress others, and we yearn for compliments on a daily basis. Be it a friend, partner or spouse, we seek to be flattered, to be praised. Then, how can we say that we don’t care what others think?

If we are to agree that we do care what others think, another question swiftly arises. Are our words and actions then moulded by what others think? Do we always make decisions in order to please people? In my opinion, that cannot be the case. Yes, we do reflect on what others might say or think with regards to our words, actions and decisions, but we do not make our choice solely based on this reflection. There are many occasions, I find, when we act in contrary to what other people think, solely because we feel like doing something else. But is individual choice guaranteed to win every time? Or are we in denial of how much of an impact a third person’s perception of us can have on us, as individuals?

CTYA’s Blog has started a new feature every Thursday called ‘Thoondal’, meaning inspiration, stimulation, or inducement. Through these weekly features, the author hopes to inspire you, stimulate your senses and induce you to think deeply about the topics she addresses and finally, to use those thoughts to inspire many more wonderful youth like you.

About the Author:

Shayanika Suresh is a Law Graduate currently working on establishing her legal career. She is also a passionate writer and has self-published a collection of short stories, “Lips no longer sealed”. Shayanika’s passion to raise awareness of various social issues that affect individuals and society as a whole is evident in her work, leaving a message for the reader to take home.

Thoondal: Banning kids in restaurants? Who’s next?

CTYA’s Blog has started a new feature every Thursday called ‘Thoondal’, meaning inspiration, stimulation, or inducement. Through these weekly features, the author hopes to inspire you, stimulate your senses and induce you to think deeply about the topics she addresses and finally, to use those thoughts to inspire many more wonderful youth like you.

Written By: Shayanika Suresh

For years now, there has been an ongoing discussion in the media about restaurants banning kids in restaurants, with a few American restaurants implementing a ‘child ban’ after certain hours. In Canada, however, it seems the matter has been brought to an undeclared end.

Taylor’s Wine and Food Bar, in Ottawa, hit the headlines a couple of years ago when it refused to allow a four-month-old baby to attend the mother’s birthday party, claiming that it had a no ‘small children’ policy. The baby’s mother, Trieste Rathwell, made a Human Rights complaint against the resto-bar, which was brought to a conclusion in 2012, with a settlement. Taylor’s Wine and Food Bar went on to announce that it has revoked its child ban policy and that it will continue to welcome children if their parents wish to bring them along. What a relief to the parents who frequent Taylor’s.

Restaurants in the U.S., on the other hand, have continued with their bans, as is clear with a recent decision by a restaurant in Houston, to ban kids from its premises after 7 p.m. It is clear from the media that it is the notion of discrimination that makes this subject so controversial, especially in the midst of arguments supporting the ban.

First, is it healthy for kids to be taken to resto-bars such as Taylor’s Wine and Food Bar, where alcoholic beverages are sold? The argument is that kids shouldn’t be in those places anyway, so maybe the ban is a good thing. But, shouldn’t that be a decision that the parents of the respective children make? Maybe restaurants can stay open late into the night, so that those who wish to dine in ‘peace’ can choose to come at a later time, when kids are less likely to be in the restaurant, and more likely to be fast asleep at home?

Secondly, do having kids present limit the enjoyment of adults who visit the premises? It is argued that kids are ‘noisy’, ‘unruly’ and, when not controlled properly by their parents, are likely to push things over and ‘make a mess’. Again, isn’t it better to consider cautioning parents to take care of their children when attending such restaurants? And, aren’t there many ‘adult-only’ premises, such as bars and clubs, that already entertain a ‘no kids’ policy?

Finally, the key question, if restaurants are allowed to ban children, because kids can be ‘noisy’, ‘unruly’ and ‘extremely hard to control’, then what about other groups of people who may have various physical and mental challenges that allow them to be described in the same manner, but who by definition are adults? Would there eventually be a ban to keep them away from such restaurants too? Does allowing a ‘no kids’ policy to be applied by restaurants influence the owners to consider applying other policies to discriminate more groups of people? The Canadian courts seem to think so and perhaps they are right.

About the Author:

Shayanika Suresh is a Law Graduate currently working on establishing her legal career. She is also a passionate writer and has self-published a collection of short stories, “Lips no longer sealed”. Shayanika’s passion to raise awareness of various social issues that affect individuals and society as a whole is evident in her work, leaving a message for the reader to take home.

Check out other work by Shayanika!

Thoondal: Unhealthy Blame

Thoondal: Unhealthy Blame

CTYA’s Blog has started a new feature every Thursday called ‘Thoondal’, meaning inspiration, stimulation, or inducement. Through these weekly features, the author hopes to inspire you, stimulate your senses and induce you to think deeply about the topics she addresses and finally, to use those thoughts to inspire many more wonderful youth like you.

Written By: Shayanika Suresh

I like to think of myself as a faithful supporter of feminism in its more liberal form, acknowledging that it is equality between men and women that we should strive for, and not dominance of women over men. However, I have to admit, that as a woman, it isn’t too hard to fall into the awful habit of blaming men. And I say ‘awful’ not because I do not think men are to blame, at least partly, for the generally oppressed state that women tend to find themselves in, but because I think blaming others is seriously damaging to our esteem, confidence and pride.

A friend of mine sent me a video link recently, featuring an interview of Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook. Watching it really made me think about how damaging it is to our own self esteem to simply blame others for our state. Saying that we are where we are because men oppress us translates into thinking that we can never get to where men are in society. Thinking that eventually stops us from trying.

The statistics showing that fewer women are in positions of power and control are real, but maybe there are more causes behind those numbers than we like to admit. I think Sandberg has a point. Maybe as women, we need to aim higher. Maybe we need to set the same goals that men do. Maybe we need to stop thinking that ‘they’ will never let us and instead make the world believe that we can do the same. If feminism is fuelling this hatred for men, maybe we should bid our farewell to this so-called ‘feminism’ and embrace individualism? Everybody in support, say ‘I’!

Watch Sheryl Sandberg’s Interview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2u4qhWGdkE

About the Author:

Shayanika Suresh is a Law Graduate currently working on establishing her legal career. She is also a passionate writer and has self-published a collection of short stories, “Lips no longer sealed”. Shayanika’s passion to raise awareness of various social issues that affect individuals and society as a whole is evident in her work, leaving a message for the reader to take home.