by : EnnaDa- Kiruthika Thusyanthan
I’ve been here for days,
I was told to stay here, I was ordered to climb inside this ditch and stay here
but nobody came to tell me to come out…
and so I’ve been here for days.
I saw it all happen, the helicopters that flew above us
the explosives that fell from the sky and blew up in flames
I saw arms, legs, hands, feet, and even heads fly out of these flames
I didn’t know why it was happening..I just knew how it happened.
I’d much rather be in school right now..studying.
I didn’t enjoy studying, I didn’t even finish my homework from last class
I would have been punished for it that day,
but then THIS happened.
I don’t really know what THIS is,
but blood happened, and death happened,
then hunger happened inside my stomach,
and thirst happened inside my throat..
I would have rather been punished for not doing my homework
Then even more days passed, I saw more bodies…
this time the bodies were closer to me,
it was the bodies of the other kids I stayed here with…
their hunger had eaten them alive.
Then loneliness happened.
It was just me in my once white uniform…
and I sat here between walls of mud, covered in dirt and blood
Amma always said to listen to my elders,
and that’s why I havn’t left this place yet, I was told to stay until someone came for me
I’d expect my parents to be here by now, could they have forgotten?
Maybe I should just go home…I knew how to go, but I wasn’t allowed to go alone..
Akka didn’t come to get me either and she never forgets me..
I watched the sun go down again, the sky darkened and it got a little cold…
I heard foot steps for the first time above this mud wall..
and I looked up to see running,
people were running, uncles and aunties and kids are like me..
they wore no shoes, and carried no baton..
this was not a race…
they were running, and bleeding, and crying, and screaming…
“Odungo antha pakam Odungo!!” ” run! run that way!!”
A man had seen me looking, and he ran over before I could hide..
he looked down to see my injured leg and lifted me across his shoulders
I didn’t speak, I didn’t flinch…I just stayed silent.
Maybe this is the man my parents had sent…
“maamaa, amma enga?””uncle, where is my mom?” I whispered, part of me was afraid…
I didn’t know where he was carrying me, but everybody was going the same way..
he never ended up answering my question.
I watched the dark greens and browns of the trees blur by as he ran..
and then it Happened.
That thing where the helicopters flew, and the fire balls fell…
and this time people scattered in different directions
The man carrying me fell, and I shrieked beneath him, his weight paining my leg
And akka appeared out of the darkness, her face wet with sweat, no..her face soaked in tears…
She held me close and we were here again..
The mud ditch.
The man who carried me never got up, I watched as people ran over him.. I watched as his red liquid spread through the soil…
I was distracted at last from the sight of his blood,
distracted by shadows of green, and the pitch black guns…the golden strap of bullets across their chest..
their uniforms were clean, and their footsteps were loud,
and they smiled.
I felt a sort of relief inside, this was the first time I had seen a smile in weeks now.
Smiles result from good things.
I couldn’t sense anything good around me at this moment though…but I saw them smile..
then I heard them laugh.
but it was only them. Everybody else went silent.
Then I saw it, the fear in people’s faces, accompanied by the danger that lurked behind the eyes of these men.
They were coming towards us…the akka’s eyes widened, and she covered my mouth before I could say a word. She clasped her hands across my face tightly.
They stood above us, and my heart stopped.
The man so wickedly green, he reached down with his clean hands into her hair…
and with one yank pulled her out from below me..and I rolled over on my face in the dirt..
I had no strength to lift my head..or myself.
I shut my eyes to the pain that ran through my veins beneath my skin..
I could taste the blood that spilled from my mouth…
I swear my heart had already stopped, where was this blood being pumped from…
My thoughts were replaced by her screams,
The akka who so kindly picked me up while everybody blindly ran…
was screaming, she was screaming like she was being run over by a tractor..
she was screaming like somebody was pushing a knife into her stomache..over and over and over again..
she was screaming words “ nipaatuda”, “ enna vittudu”..”stop..”..”leave me”
she was screaming out to her parents her brother…”amma!!! appaa!!!…annaa, iyooo annaa!!”
where were they? where were her mom and dad, and her brother?!
why couldn’t they hear her… she was so loud…
where were my parents, and my sister…?!?!
I knew right then, that even if I had screamed…my parents wouldn’t hear me either.
I felt something fall before my face, and parted my eyes to see her blood covered dress…
it layed there, alone… without a body..without her beautiful face that looked so sweet in her flowered dress.
her screaming ended with one loud shot.
and her body fell with a thud, atop her dress.
she wasn’t unclothed though, she just changed…
her new dress was red. and it covered her from her toes to head.
The screaming continued elsewhere, more voices like mine…
female voices, of aunties and girls.. of little girls and older girls..
but now it was sounding more like a choir…
a very sad choir…each voice halted with a hard shot.
the sun was rising again, and the foot steps hurried away and with the start of an engine..
it all ended.
I still couldn’t move, but now I couldn’t breathe either…
it all ended for me too right then.
Here in this ditch, across from the akka, this is where I ended too.
Tags: EnnaDa- Kiruthika Thusyanthan, May, Poetry/Art, Tamil Massacre
