Written By: Riegie Godwin
It was a cold morning just like any other in Toronto. I walked along Four Winds and took a right on Columbia Gate, reaching the TTC stop. I stood there waiting feverishly for the 196 Express Bus just like many other Sunday commuters that day. Some trying to get to work, others just trying to find their way. I was listening to The Script and checking the time knowing that I was definitely going to be late for CTYA’s meeting. I thought, “GEEZ!…why do I have to live all the way in the west end of the city?! Why does everything have to be in Scarborough!”.
I arrived at Downsview station and took the subway all the way down to St. George and transferred off Eastbound along the Bloor & Danforth line all the way to Kennedy Station. I got off at Kennedy and within 5 minutes, I reached the building which housed CTYA’s office.
“Errrr!…the door is locked” I reached for the other door and once again, “great…now I’m stuck outside.”
I pulled out my phone and texted one of the CTYA execs in the building to come down so that they could let me in from the inside. I stood outside while the cold slithered through my body. I looked over to the right and saw a Tamil man on the phone.
“I’ve been paying child support for about 4 months now….other than that I don’t contribute financially, I see them every Thursday” he said,
We exchanged quick glances at each other. I played it off as if I couldn’t hear anything. I looked at my phone acting like I was doing something important.
“We never had a joint account with the bank, all assets, including the house are mine. Everything else is separate”. He walked around with hesitation.
“I already filed for the divorce months ago Ramesh”, he said,
“It’s been 9 years…….I’m thinking about remarrying another women from back home.”
I looked at him really well and started studying him from feet up. He seemed like a well established middle aged man. He had a blue spring jacket with beige khaki pants.
“At the time, it seemed like a good choice, she came from a good family and my mother and father only approved after I approved. We sponsored her immediately to Canada to fix the marriage. Like I said, it’s been 9 long years. I have two kids…a daughter born in 2003 and a son born in 2005.”
It was at that moment my emotions changed. Something brought me there to that exact moment to see and hear the lives of these four people involved. I didn’t know who this stranger was, who his wife was, or who his two kids were. All I knew was that he and I we’re outside right now hiding beside the building columns to avoid the wind. I looked at this man and wondered what the fate of his kids we’re going to be. How they were feeling about their daddy not being around.
A few moments passed until we both locked eyes for about 4 seconds. It was within that time frame that we both acknowledged, “ah…another Thamilan” and we exchanged nods as if we had met before or knew each other from some other life.
The door behind me clicked open. ’ Hey Riegie, come inside’,
I turned around and headed in. I peeked back one last time to get a good look of this man before he & I parted ways. I thought about our people. I thought about what happened to this family. And then it hit me. This was one of the many cases of Tamil women coming to Canada with the promise of living a good life with a man they had never met before.
It bothered me. Why? because it conflicted with every value and moral our Tamil culture ingrained into our heads. I then began to think of our generation and how influenced we were by Western values. The act of getting divorced and remarrying just never seemed to jam well with our culture. If anything, loyalty through thick and thin was practiced and preached.
I wondered about us. I wondered about how we will turn out when we start our families. When we have kids. Are we still going to be just as loyal? are we going to stick it through for the sake of our kids even when things go South? I guess it all depends…I’m not quite sure how things are going to turn out for us. All I know is that we need to make sure our values stay intact and set the standard high as first generation Canadian Tamils because if we don’t….we’re in for some trouble.
Tags: Speak Out
